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i have a "Girlfriend Weight Question"

This is a discussion on i have a "Girlfriend Weight Question" within the Ask a GirL! forums, part of the Answers category; ok, so my girlfriend and i have been dating for about 4 years now and about 1 1/2 years ago ...

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Old 06-19-2008, 10:27 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Question i have a "Girlfriend Weight Question"

ok, so my girlfriend and i have been dating for about 4 years now and about 1 1/2 years ago she started to put on some weight. (between 15 & 20 lbs) when we met we were in excellent condition and since she has been gaining weight we've started numerous workout programs and diets, from south beach diet to hip hop abs. Somehow she always finds an excuse to quit after 1 to 2 weeks. I'm 5'6" and she's 5'4" so we are not tall by any means, so when we put on 10 lbs you can see it.

She played tennis for 4 years in high school and recreational soccer for 3 years during college so i know she's capable, she's just not willing.

i completely adore her and love her!

we don't live together so i can't monitor or help her with better eating habits when we are not together.

so my questions are:

1) am i a bad person for Wanting her to lose weight? ( i really want her to lose it)
2) if i'm not a bad person, how can i start a conversation with her without jeopardizing our relationship.
3) is our relationship over because i don't feel attracted to her anymore?

btw, i usually only gain 5 lbs but quickly lose it as we start a new exercise program and i usually eat pretty healthy.


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Old 06-19-2008, 11:11 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Um, dude...you are kind of shallow. And by "kind of shallow" I mean "really shallow." Is there any aspect of her as a person that you actually like? And if you are defining her by her body, you might want to look into how you view yourself.
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Old 06-19-2008, 11:14 AM   #3 (permalink)
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dude not kool
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Old 06-19-2008, 03:02 PM   #4 (permalink)
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LOL i love when people call other people shallow. When in fact everyone and thing is "shallow" Unless you go out with the ugliest girls/guys at clubs or where ever you go you are shallow also. Even animals go by looks when there trying to find a mate. Are animals shallow too? LOL

Quote:
Originally Posted by mindtrigger View Post
1) am i a bad person for Wanting her to lose weight? ( i really want her to lose it)
2) if i'm not a bad person, how can i start a conversation with her without jeopardizing our relationship.
3) is our relationship over because i don't feel attracted to her anymore?
Ok. im not a girl so you still might want to wait for an answer from them but....

No, your not a bad person, your human.
It sounds like you have been doing this but work out with her. You can always be more healthy than you are now, so it wont hurt. Diets are hard to do, if she doesnt need them just do the work out. If she needs the extra help after you have done the work out for a while, start one. Doing the work out will made her feel better and be more willing to do the deit. dont know how open you are with her or how easy it is to talk to her but some time you do need to talk. If and when you do talk to her, try your hardest not to make it sound like your attacking her. Dont use words like "you" use "we" that way she knows that you are going to be doing it with her. Good luck man and dont listen to people calling you shallow.

EDIT: You could also pick up tennis, That was its not a "work out." She likes to do it and you can do it with her.

Last edited by the hell freak; 06-19-2008 at 03:47 PM.
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Old 06-19-2008, 03:56 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Kudos for asking this question as well. You took a pretty big chance in catching the douchefags who want to flame you.
You're not a bad person, you're human, like the guy above said.

That's about all I say can...he gave good advice.
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Old 06-19-2008, 04:15 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Be patient with her, try to explain what you want to tell her in a gentle way.

Don't go "Hey, you are getting big! You have to exercise!"

Say something like "Hey, let's run today! It's a beautiful day for it!"

Then tou go running, in the end: "That was nice, huh? Wanna come back tomorrow?"

But try to make running a fun thing!
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Old 06-19-2008, 05:39 PM   #7 (permalink)
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hmm..

This is a toughy but let's see..

You can approach this situation in many ways actually..

But first, let me ask some questions:
1. Does she have problems with her weight?
2. Do you openly express how concerned you are about her health?
3. Is it just her weight that makes you feel unattracted to her or is it something MORE?

I think the best way for you to approach this is to honestly tell her how important it is for her to be healthy. To maintain a good diet and exercise routine. Not to lose weight but to have a healthy lifestyle. And if you can, do it with her. Consistantly give her encouragement so she knows that she's heading in the right direction. As for the foods, just eat right.. it's hard to cut out the junk food but once you substitute it with other yummy snacks, i.e. yogurt and fruits, it's actually hard to go back to the other 'crappy' food. Sometimes diets aren't for everyone.. It could take a lot time to get use to it.. but if you guys can encourage eachother, then I think that this goal is very DO-able.

It doesn't make you a bad person for wanting her to lose weight.. but I think that you shouldn't focuse on her weight. I think it's more important if you focuse on her health.. As we get older, people gain weight and it can be healthy..

You guys have been together for a really long time.. and I firmly believe that for a relationship to work, both parties has to have a very good communication line. Therefore, I believe you can tell her.. while reassuring her that you're NOT calling her FAT.. rather purely concerned for her health.

Your relationship isn't over because you don't feel attracted to her.. but it can be if your basing it on her physical looks. Because then, how can you possibly grow old with her?

::sorry if this doesn't help.. just my opinion::
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Old 06-19-2008, 08:33 PM   #8 (permalink)
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You're not a bad person for wanting your girlfriend to lose weight. Just If she was super skinny and built and put on some weight and you want her to get back to a rail then that's just not right :/.

btw thanks lizzy for answering these lol i've been sort of busy and forgot to check >_< and you also seem EXTREMELY helpful so don't worry about giving bad advice =D
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Old 06-19-2008, 08:40 PM   #9 (permalink)
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This won't really help, but I really kind of like girls with a little baby chub..
Like if they're 5'6 or something and they weight like 130-140 they're SO very attractive to me.
I don't like girls where, if you're doing something with them, it's like rubbing against a tree.
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Old 06-20-2008, 02:25 AM   #10 (permalink)
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To avoid a confrontation explain that you are worried about her health rather than the way she looks.
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